Mothers Day...

was beyond words.

22

 

Well little one, we're getting closer and closer to meeting each other. It's exciting to see the countdown get smaller! This week you're as big as a papaya and are probably weighing over a pound. Your little face is fully formed and I'm sure by now you're able to tell who's who out here. Daddy startled you the other day, not on purpose, he was just talking kind of loud-it was kind of cute but sad all at the same time! I finished your crib bedding (except for the quilt) and am going to start thinking about how to arrange your room soon. It's been and will be so getting everything ready for little you!

 

 

I've been trying really hard to get a video of the baby kicking...it's so cute and amazing. This will have to do for now though...my lop-sided belly in all it's glory!

21

We've been so busy little one...busy with weddings and showers and life! You've been busy in there too, and we're starting to see you move inside, from outside! It's really fun to watch. You're the size of a large banana this week and getting stronger everyday! So far you've only given me one, tiny little stretch mark on my hip...you've been pretty nice so far!

We got to see baby ham last week during our 20 week scan...here are some of the pictures!

Creepy little baby face :)

Little leg

Baby Ham all squished up with his/her foot up by the head

baby hands

Legs (and...)

Baby ham grabbing his/her feet (I love this one!)

(almost forgot this one)...baby ham went into hiding and my 21 week belly almost disappeared! It was so creepy!

20

This week you're the size of a banana and weigh in at a little over 12 ounces! Your taste buds are maturing this week which means you can taste all of the yummy food I've been eating. I have been busy sewing things for your room and enjoy spending lots of time in there dreaming of you. Daddy likes to sit by me and feel you move, he makes sure he tells you "good morning" and "good night" everyday and gives you lots of kisses too. I've started to feel you moving a lot higher these days which means that you must be bigger and stronger (and I bet cuter too). I can't wait to hold you little one and to spend our days together. 

I've started to notice A LOT more movement this week, pretty much all day off and on, which is so great. It feels so cool and is really reassuring. I've been getting braxton hicks contractions like crazy (among other things ;), at least 2-4 everyday. They feel super funny, and sometimes are a little uncomfortable. But I'm told that's a really good thing, I'm excited that things are working well and getting ready for their big day. We've been doing a lot of planning and thinking this week for baby hams arrival. I/We started reading this book together...it's super great and goes along with the whole hypnobirthing idea that I want to try. I've been spending my time sewing up a storm. I'm almost done with my checklist, for the room that is, just curtains, some fitted sheets, and a dust ruffle to go...then I'm on to the fun stuff. I'll post pictures of the room soon.

 Thomas caught me appeasing our horrible hound...the dog is crazy and this was the only way she'd stop barking/whining so I could sew. She loves me a lot, in case you couldn't tell.

Decisions

I've hit the half way point this week (unless baby Ham wants an extra week or two, which is fine :) and I'm feeling a bit...I don't know, a bit of everything. A bit (actually a lot!) of excitement (I am SO excited that I get to DO THIS, that I get to partake in something I thought I'd be alienated from, in something so empowering and beautiful and life changing. I feel so blessed and am so thankful...it's going to be really hard, but really, really amazing and rewarding), a bit of apprehension and a bit of needing to know that we have a plan, that it's all going to fall into place and be okay, and be a positive, empowering, and peaceful birth experience for me and baby H. I want to feel safe and secure and comfortable. I really want to be left alone, with dim lights and soft sounds and sweet smells. I've been thinking a lot about homebirth vs. hospital birth actually, to me they both have pros and cons, and I think I could be excited about either, though I'm not sure our families would be so enthusiastic, at all.

I really like the idea of having a birth plan that's actually respected, of birthing in a comforting, familiar, secluded, intimate, and peaceful environment, of being in water, not having bright lights in my face and loud voices and noises, of reaching for my baby as it's being born and pulling towards my chest and having it not leave there until I'm good and ready for it to, after we've nursed and bonded and whatever else you do, of having Thomas play a more active role in the labor and birth, of being in a healthier environment, of not being bombarded by protocol, of being able to be on my own time and have people wait for me and my body instead of being on a schedule and pressured. I am super nervous about getting a crappy nurse and doctor. So nervous actually. Oh yeah, and eating. I really, really, really love the idea of home birth. 

But...I think I would love it a lot more if I could be completely assured that everything would go well, that the baby would be born with no complications, that labor would go smoothly, that I wouldn't hemorrhage, etc. I like the idea that there are ventilators and life saving equipment at a hospital too.

I am super torn.

Do I choose to trust in my body's natural ability to birth, believe that it's a normal body process and choose comfort (just comfort? so not the right word, but you get what I mean) over absolute safety, and spend more than our $15 copay? or...
Do I willingly subject myself to an environment that is not at all ideal for my ideas and hopes for a natural and holistic birth, one that is actually against them, but costs less than a dinner for two?

I feel like I should have already had this all figured out, that I'm being last minute and like I don't have a plan. I'm a bit frustrated that I'm having second thoughts and I feel really unprepared.

19

Tomorrow we'll get to see you little one, and we couldn't be more excited. You'll be the size of a mango and super cute and wiggly! I'm especially excited because if you decide to flash us we'll know what you are...tomorrow!!!! If you decide not to, that's okay too, we'll just wait 20 more weeks to find out. Daddy has been talking to you a lot and you've started to respond to his voice. He gave you some pretty specific instructions the other night for our upcoming appointment. It was really cute. I've started to work more on your room, in fact, I spent an entire day cutting things out to get ready to sew for you. I imagine you touching them, and being cozy, and enjoying them the whole time!

So there's my racy pregnancy picture. I just had to show you all how pokey my little bump is...it's getting bigger! Tomorrow night we have our 20 week scan. I'm super nervous/anxious/excited about it, mostly for the wrong reasons. I actually haven't even thought about them telling us about anything but the gender, and I did decline all the testing...but it's in Gods hands and God willing the baby will be healthy and happy and perfect in there! I can't help but wonder if the baby will flash us, or if she or he will accidentally tell us, if I'll notice...etc. I guess we'll see. It'll be fun!

I've started to work on the babys room, more specifically, the curtains, the bumper, the mobile, sheets, boppy covers, rocking chair pad, quilts (yes plural, because I have to make two, because there has to be at least one thing that lets you know the baby's a boy or girl when you walk in there! Dang!) I think it's too much, and as soon as I cut it all out and marveled at the giant pile of stuff I intended to sew, I realized that. I hope I can do it and that I'm happy with it looking so "handmade". I've finished the rocking chair padding....it leaves something to be desired, but nothing a little throw pillow or a boppy can't hide...maybe!

18

This week you're the size of a mango, and at 1/2 a pound and six inches long, I've been able to feel you moving so much! Other people have too! It's been really exciting little baby. I had an appointment this morning to check on you, you are doing great. You didn't like the doppler today though, you were kicking it and moving around so much that it took three times as long to get your heart rate. It made the Dr. happy though that you were moving around so much...I think she was impressed baby. This week one of our friends suggested a new nickname for you,, because he didn't think it was very cool that we just call you "it" or "the baby". So your new nickname is "Gomez" Ham. I'm not sure if you approve, but we all think it's pretty funny. I'm convinced you're a boy, and even sometimes accidentally refer to you as "he". I guess we'll just have to see. I'm so happy and thankful that you're doing well, especially after that little bump we had last week. I am so excited to see you next week!

Todays appointment went so well! Not only did I meet a sweet friend from church and got to guess her good news, not have to wait long, didn't get yelled at for gaining too much weight, and was able to pee for them, but I had a great visit with my dr. and felt like she spent hours with me! It made me so happy. My dr. was super happy that the baby has been doing well since the "mva", and she was so happy that the baby was moving around so much in there. I have been feeling the baby ALL DAY now, as opposed to just in the evenings and before bed. It cracks me up because I have no idea what it's doing in there. It seems like it would be boring to move around and not be able to have those movements do anything, i.e. not get you more than three inches from side to side, but hey, maybe that's exciting for a baby. I wonder if the baby wants out, or if it's trying to escape sometimes.... I know it probably sounds really cool out here :) Lauren likes to imagine that they're swimming around all day in there, puching off the walls and doing flips and fancy swim moves all day.

 I finally asked my dr. what the fundal meassurement was today. They always do it and I'm too shy to ask if they don't tell me. Today I was 22 cm, which is bigger than she expected it to be. Though they don't begin to expect it to match up with your gestation until 21 weeks, I'll be 19 weeks tomorrow, and she said that it was "pretty good size". I've gained 8 pounds to date and she gave me her "blessing" to eat more since she would have liked me to have gained more, which is really surprising for Kaiser. I told her that I've already grown out of a 30$ maternity skirt (stupid impulse/sales lady buy) I had bought (and no, not in the belly area) so I think I'm doing just fine. She didn't find that as funny as I did.