Books (and journals!)

I've managed to raid two city libraries of their coolest pregnancy and baby books. I used to have a pretty good stash, but that story's for another day. I love reading about what to expect, and the changes that are going on with the baby ever week. I managed to find some fun (and sweet) journals, you know, for memory keeping :) I'm having a lot of fun with them and have been writing to the baby too (note cute owl journal).

Little things for little people

It's really hard not to buy every cute little baby thing you see in the store, well it's hard for me anyway. I am so stinkin' excited (!!!!!) and can't wait to start nesting and getting everything ready. The only problem is that A) we still have a good 3-4 months before that would be socially appropriate, B) if I start setting things up I'll just have another room to dust, and C) we don't have the slightest clue as to what color baby Ham is going to look best in so that presents a problem, as most of the cute things I find are pink. Some nice friends of ours brought over some darling little booties for the baby, complete with crocheted ears too! I picked up a fun little calendar the other day (they were 50% off!) that's for babys first year. I remember my mom doing one for me and Thomas has one too. It has cute little stickers for milestones and whatnot's. Can't wait to use them!

Graduation day!

In the land of IF (that's slang for infertility) the day you finally return to an appointment with sometihing other than an egg or five, a swollen uterus, or some cysts to look at, is a BIG DEAL. So they/we call it "graduation day", which is just fancy-speak for "we can't keep you as a patient, call your OB, they'll handle it from here." Of course there's lots of celebrating too (and cookies), these people have been really, really close to you for x amount of years, they know ALL about you, and most importantly how badly you desired to see something other than an egg or a cyst. I'll miss them but I'll definitely keep in touch! How about that new diagnosis huh...Who would have thought that amenorrhea (before 50) would be such a happy occasion!

7

Today you're 10,000 times bigger than you were at conception! You are the size of a blueberry and have been generating brain cells like crazy (hopefully you'll make a little extra so you're not such a silly teenager someday)! This week you'll be working on a cute little mouth and toungue. Beter make it a long one baby so you can stick it out at daddy and your uncles...I'm sure they'll appreciate that :) Your arm and leg buds are growing too and soon you'll have elbows, hands, knees, and feet. But today you probably still just have little paddles, but that's okay with me.


I have been feeling more and more pregnant lately, and though I still don't have a belly, I definately notice that you're in there, evidenced by phantom pains, hunger pain too because you won't let me eat much, back aches, and these really weird stretching sensations...my uterus feels like a washing machine on a spin cycle sometimes. I don't know what you're doing in there (probably nothing yet because you're too little), or maybe it's the hormones, but it's definately funny feeling. But I don't mind little one, it's how I know you're still in there! I can't wait until I feel you move...that will be pretty amazing!

6

This week you're the size of a sweet pea little baby! You're working on a cute little jaw, cheeks and a chin! Your ears, nose and eyes are also beginning to form! By the end of the week you'll have a set of kidneys (your final set I think) a little liver and some lungs. Hope that you keep growing and that you like cheese, chicken noodle soup, crackers, and rice krispies! (the cereal, not the treats)

Yes, unfortunately my few days of happy, healthy eating sadly came to an end. I've been poisoned by estrogen and progesterone and my poor tummy really only prefers a very small spectrum of bland foods. "Soup" and I still aren't talking after last weeks thai vomiting episode, except for chicken noodle, we're still cool. I have sadly formed an aversion to my once beloved milk and sweets, but I think it's for the better, the sweet part that is. (Can you believe that?) Asparagus and green beans (some of my only green "friends") haven't been speaking either, though in a few weeks here we're going to have to patch things up. I've come to appreciate apples, water crackers and cheese as my main sources of sustinence. I know I can only continue in my ways for so long, before I'll (or Thomas) have to start force feeding myself. Hopefully things will settle down in there :) (and stay down;)

5 1/2

So I've decided to do weekly pictures :) A friend of Thomas did the same with her pregnancy and I just loved seeing her weekly growth. I had always known that I would take pictures of my growing belly, if I were ever to become pregnant, but I love the idea of blogging them so that all of your distant friends and family! (and perfect strangers) can see how things are growing.

So here it is...5 1/2 week me...and 3 1/2 week old baby Ham. 
You've been been multiplying away in there...Here's a list of things you've done so far (all before I even knew about you!). You've gone from zygote to blastocyst and have traveled several inches from my fallopian tube to my waiting womb. You've picked a cozy spot and implanted yourself (in the right place!) and become an embryo! You've even split in half to make yourself a placenta! You became surrounded by a cozy amniotic sac and you've been busy ordering your specialized layers (and yes I remember the names of all three from A&P!), to well, specialize! All at the size of a poppy seed!


Entering your second month you look more like a tadpole and are now the size of an orange seed with a heart the size of a poppy seed! This week you'll be hard at work making your little heart bigger and more complex and a neural tube too, that will someday be your brain and spinal cord. In fact your circulatory system will be the first system to be up and running! Good luck little baby! We're rooting (and praying!!) for you!

p.s. I know it's silly to put these up so soon, I should really wait a few (way) more weeks when there is actually something to take pictures of, but hey at least I'll have a living testimony to the fact that I once had a waist :)

Overwhelmed

January 18, 2010
This morning we had our first appointment to see the baby. I was so EXCITED. I was a little nervous about maybe not seeing the baby at all, or about them being able to detect a heartbeat, but it paled in comparison to how ridiculously excited I was. Since technically I was still an "infertility" patient, I was seen in my RE's office. They brought us in and I got undressed and Thomas got comfortable on the couch. Through his reserved facade I could tell he was excited too. The sonographer came in and just as routinely as she had checked for eggs in the past, she checked for a baby. She started with my ovaries, to see from which one I had ovulated and to make sure that the pregnancy wasn't in the ovary. She made an exciting discovery, that rightie, my champ, had released not one! but two!! eggs! I probably looked like someone who had just been shocked, or someone having a seizure...I was so excited and said "could there be two babies!!!!????!!!" I think I may have screamed too. (twins would be so fun, and ever since I was a nanny for the Milkies, I've secretly wanted a set:) She then moved on to my tubes to check them too since I have a partial blockage. It was all clear. She then moved to the uterus! It took her a while to see anything, because I was so, ahem, bloated...the screen literally looked like we were watching a storm report or something! It was kind of embarrassing (labor!), and Thomas was laughing at me, but I didn't care :) She spotted the baby and it's flickering little self lit up the dark screen! She confirmed that it was just one....which I was okay with ;) She zoomed in and let us hear the heartbeat. I got all teary, and though I was still in disbelief that all of this was taking place, it was so extremely amazing! Her remarks on the baby were that it was measuring a good size for its gestational age and that its heartbeat was ideal too at 112! We were so happy and thankful! (Thomas BTW, has already named the baby, Sir Buddy Ham (yes that's a boy name), and assures me that the baby will be born on his birthday in august)

 baby ham...

Alma and I...and cookies (not pictured)

At the end of our appointment we met up with Alma in the hallway so that we could give her the cookies I made her. She was so excited and wanted to see the picture that Deanna had given us. She was ecstatic and couldn't stop hugging me! She said "I knew this would be our year!" Mid embrace, I glanced over and noticed another couple checking out at the nurses desk, getting their instructions for the next cycle. I know that they overheard our conversation and my heart just sank and broke for them, and especially for her. I can imagine just how she felt. In Fontana, the waiting rooms for the infertility department and the ob ultrasounds are shared, meaning there is only one and the parade of pregnant women with beautiful round belly's is never ending. I can't tell you how many times I sat there, waiting for my appointment, by myself, listening to excited couples calling family and friends to tell them "it's a boy". It was devastating and so painful at times, and sometimes I could hardly make it into my appointment or to the elevator without breaking down. I hope that she was a stronger person than I had been, and that they were able to find hope in the situation...and that this will be their year too!

I had been waiting until we heard the heartbeat to tell the rest of our family, though I know it seems a little backwards. I just thought it would be more exciting for them. It was! It was so beautiful to hear my grandparents and aunts and dear friends reactions! The day felt so amazing and as the day went on and the news spread all over, I just felt more and more overwhelmed, overwhelmed in a way I don't think I had ever experienced. I was overwhelmed by my own excitement, everyone elses excitement and love for us and the baby, and just completely overwhelmed with joy. It was so geat.

Later that day we went to Stone to celebrate (compliments of Thomas Ham)...I didn't really have an appetite, but I did have some very delicious tea.