Overwhelmed

January 18, 2010
This morning we had our first appointment to see the baby. I was so EXCITED. I was a little nervous about maybe not seeing the baby at all, or about them being able to detect a heartbeat, but it paled in comparison to how ridiculously excited I was. Since technically I was still an "infertility" patient, I was seen in my RE's office. They brought us in and I got undressed and Thomas got comfortable on the couch. Through his reserved facade I could tell he was excited too. The sonographer came in and just as routinely as she had checked for eggs in the past, she checked for a baby. She started with my ovaries, to see from which one I had ovulated and to make sure that the pregnancy wasn't in the ovary. She made an exciting discovery, that rightie, my champ, had released not one! but two!! eggs! I probably looked like someone who had just been shocked, or someone having a seizure...I was so excited and said "could there be two babies!!!!????!!!" I think I may have screamed too. (twins would be so fun, and ever since I was a nanny for the Milkies, I've secretly wanted a set:) She then moved on to my tubes to check them too since I have a partial blockage. It was all clear. She then moved to the uterus! It took her a while to see anything, because I was so, ahem, bloated...the screen literally looked like we were watching a storm report or something! It was kind of embarrassing (labor!), and Thomas was laughing at me, but I didn't care :) She spotted the baby and it's flickering little self lit up the dark screen! She confirmed that it was just one....which I was okay with ;) She zoomed in and let us hear the heartbeat. I got all teary, and though I was still in disbelief that all of this was taking place, it was so extremely amazing! Her remarks on the baby were that it was measuring a good size for its gestational age and that its heartbeat was ideal too at 112! We were so happy and thankful! (Thomas BTW, has already named the baby, Sir Buddy Ham (yes that's a boy name), and assures me that the baby will be born on his birthday in august)

 baby ham...

Alma and I...and cookies (not pictured)

At the end of our appointment we met up with Alma in the hallway so that we could give her the cookies I made her. She was so excited and wanted to see the picture that Deanna had given us. She was ecstatic and couldn't stop hugging me! She said "I knew this would be our year!" Mid embrace, I glanced over and noticed another couple checking out at the nurses desk, getting their instructions for the next cycle. I know that they overheard our conversation and my heart just sank and broke for them, and especially for her. I can imagine just how she felt. In Fontana, the waiting rooms for the infertility department and the ob ultrasounds are shared, meaning there is only one and the parade of pregnant women with beautiful round belly's is never ending. I can't tell you how many times I sat there, waiting for my appointment, by myself, listening to excited couples calling family and friends to tell them "it's a boy". It was devastating and so painful at times, and sometimes I could hardly make it into my appointment or to the elevator without breaking down. I hope that she was a stronger person than I had been, and that they were able to find hope in the situation...and that this will be their year too!

I had been waiting until we heard the heartbeat to tell the rest of our family, though I know it seems a little backwards. I just thought it would be more exciting for them. It was! It was so beautiful to hear my grandparents and aunts and dear friends reactions! The day felt so amazing and as the day went on and the news spread all over, I just felt more and more overwhelmed, overwhelmed in a way I don't think I had ever experienced. I was overwhelmed by my own excitement, everyone elses excitement and love for us and the baby, and just completely overwhelmed with joy. It was so geat.

Later that day we went to Stone to celebrate (compliments of Thomas Ham)...I didn't really have an appetite, but I did have some very delicious tea.