20

This week you're the size of a banana and weigh in at a little over 12 ounces! Your taste buds are maturing this week which means you can taste all of the yummy food I've been eating. I have been busy sewing things for your room and enjoy spending lots of time in there dreaming of you. Daddy likes to sit by me and feel you move, he makes sure he tells you "good morning" and "good night" everyday and gives you lots of kisses too. I've started to feel you moving a lot higher these days which means that you must be bigger and stronger (and I bet cuter too). I can't wait to hold you little one and to spend our days together. 

I've started to notice A LOT more movement this week, pretty much all day off and on, which is so great. It feels so cool and is really reassuring. I've been getting braxton hicks contractions like crazy (among other things ;), at least 2-4 everyday. They feel super funny, and sometimes are a little uncomfortable. But I'm told that's a really good thing, I'm excited that things are working well and getting ready for their big day. We've been doing a lot of planning and thinking this week for baby hams arrival. I/We started reading this book together...it's super great and goes along with the whole hypnobirthing idea that I want to try. I've been spending my time sewing up a storm. I'm almost done with my checklist, for the room that is, just curtains, some fitted sheets, and a dust ruffle to go...then I'm on to the fun stuff. I'll post pictures of the room soon.

 Thomas caught me appeasing our horrible hound...the dog is crazy and this was the only way she'd stop barking/whining so I could sew. She loves me a lot, in case you couldn't tell.

Decisions

I've hit the half way point this week (unless baby Ham wants an extra week or two, which is fine :) and I'm feeling a bit...I don't know, a bit of everything. A bit (actually a lot!) of excitement (I am SO excited that I get to DO THIS, that I get to partake in something I thought I'd be alienated from, in something so empowering and beautiful and life changing. I feel so blessed and am so thankful...it's going to be really hard, but really, really amazing and rewarding), a bit of apprehension and a bit of needing to know that we have a plan, that it's all going to fall into place and be okay, and be a positive, empowering, and peaceful birth experience for me and baby H. I want to feel safe and secure and comfortable. I really want to be left alone, with dim lights and soft sounds and sweet smells. I've been thinking a lot about homebirth vs. hospital birth actually, to me they both have pros and cons, and I think I could be excited about either, though I'm not sure our families would be so enthusiastic, at all.

I really like the idea of having a birth plan that's actually respected, of birthing in a comforting, familiar, secluded, intimate, and peaceful environment, of being in water, not having bright lights in my face and loud voices and noises, of reaching for my baby as it's being born and pulling towards my chest and having it not leave there until I'm good and ready for it to, after we've nursed and bonded and whatever else you do, of having Thomas play a more active role in the labor and birth, of being in a healthier environment, of not being bombarded by protocol, of being able to be on my own time and have people wait for me and my body instead of being on a schedule and pressured. I am super nervous about getting a crappy nurse and doctor. So nervous actually. Oh yeah, and eating. I really, really, really love the idea of home birth. 

But...I think I would love it a lot more if I could be completely assured that everything would go well, that the baby would be born with no complications, that labor would go smoothly, that I wouldn't hemorrhage, etc. I like the idea that there are ventilators and life saving equipment at a hospital too.

I am super torn.

Do I choose to trust in my body's natural ability to birth, believe that it's a normal body process and choose comfort (just comfort? so not the right word, but you get what I mean) over absolute safety, and spend more than our $15 copay? or...
Do I willingly subject myself to an environment that is not at all ideal for my ideas and hopes for a natural and holistic birth, one that is actually against them, but costs less than a dinner for two?

I feel like I should have already had this all figured out, that I'm being last minute and like I don't have a plan. I'm a bit frustrated that I'm having second thoughts and I feel really unprepared.

19

Tomorrow we'll get to see you little one, and we couldn't be more excited. You'll be the size of a mango and super cute and wiggly! I'm especially excited because if you decide to flash us we'll know what you are...tomorrow!!!! If you decide not to, that's okay too, we'll just wait 20 more weeks to find out. Daddy has been talking to you a lot and you've started to respond to his voice. He gave you some pretty specific instructions the other night for our upcoming appointment. It was really cute. I've started to work more on your room, in fact, I spent an entire day cutting things out to get ready to sew for you. I imagine you touching them, and being cozy, and enjoying them the whole time!

So there's my racy pregnancy picture. I just had to show you all how pokey my little bump is...it's getting bigger! Tomorrow night we have our 20 week scan. I'm super nervous/anxious/excited about it, mostly for the wrong reasons. I actually haven't even thought about them telling us about anything but the gender, and I did decline all the testing...but it's in Gods hands and God willing the baby will be healthy and happy and perfect in there! I can't help but wonder if the baby will flash us, or if she or he will accidentally tell us, if I'll notice...etc. I guess we'll see. It'll be fun!

I've started to work on the babys room, more specifically, the curtains, the bumper, the mobile, sheets, boppy covers, rocking chair pad, quilts (yes plural, because I have to make two, because there has to be at least one thing that lets you know the baby's a boy or girl when you walk in there! Dang!) I think it's too much, and as soon as I cut it all out and marveled at the giant pile of stuff I intended to sew, I realized that. I hope I can do it and that I'm happy with it looking so "handmade". I've finished the rocking chair padding....it leaves something to be desired, but nothing a little throw pillow or a boppy can't hide...maybe!

18

This week you're the size of a mango, and at 1/2 a pound and six inches long, I've been able to feel you moving so much! Other people have too! It's been really exciting little baby. I had an appointment this morning to check on you, you are doing great. You didn't like the doppler today though, you were kicking it and moving around so much that it took three times as long to get your heart rate. It made the Dr. happy though that you were moving around so much...I think she was impressed baby. This week one of our friends suggested a new nickname for you,, because he didn't think it was very cool that we just call you "it" or "the baby". So your new nickname is "Gomez" Ham. I'm not sure if you approve, but we all think it's pretty funny. I'm convinced you're a boy, and even sometimes accidentally refer to you as "he". I guess we'll just have to see. I'm so happy and thankful that you're doing well, especially after that little bump we had last week. I am so excited to see you next week!

Todays appointment went so well! Not only did I meet a sweet friend from church and got to guess her good news, not have to wait long, didn't get yelled at for gaining too much weight, and was able to pee for them, but I had a great visit with my dr. and felt like she spent hours with me! It made me so happy. My dr. was super happy that the baby has been doing well since the "mva", and she was so happy that the baby was moving around so much in there. I have been feeling the baby ALL DAY now, as opposed to just in the evenings and before bed. It cracks me up because I have no idea what it's doing in there. It seems like it would be boring to move around and not be able to have those movements do anything, i.e. not get you more than three inches from side to side, but hey, maybe that's exciting for a baby. I wonder if the baby wants out, or if it's trying to escape sometimes.... I know it probably sounds really cool out here :) Lauren likes to imagine that they're swimming around all day in there, puching off the walls and doing flips and fancy swim moves all day.

 I finally asked my dr. what the fundal meassurement was today. They always do it and I'm too shy to ask if they don't tell me. Today I was 22 cm, which is bigger than she expected it to be. Though they don't begin to expect it to match up with your gestation until 21 weeks, I'll be 19 weeks tomorrow, and she said that it was "pretty good size". I've gained 8 pounds to date and she gave me her "blessing" to eat more since she would have liked me to have gained more, which is really surprising for Kaiser. I told her that I've already grown out of a 30$ maternity skirt (stupid impulse/sales lady buy) I had bought (and no, not in the belly area) so I think I'm doing just fine. She didn't find that as funny as I did. 

17

 

You're a whopping 5 1/2 inches long this week and the size of a sweet potato! This week your beginning to accumulate all that cute squishy fat that we'll all enjoy squeezing and kissing and hugging once you come out. You're starting to listen to us and what's going on too! I think that's pretty cool! What do you think of Emma? Your eyes have finished moving from the side of your head to the front (thank goodness) and are even starting to move. And lastly little one, you'll be working on making little finger (and foot) prints too. No wonder we've been so tired! I'm especially excited because this is the week that I first felt you move (for real this time! And during the Pascha service!). It took me a while to notice you little one because you were being pretty gentle. I have felt you almost everyday since. This week we'll be getting a call from Kaiser to schedule your 20 week scan...can't wait to see you again and get some more cute little pictures. Oh and I ordered something special for your room this week too, I think you'll like it a lot!

17 week update!

How far along: 17 weeks and 6 days

Symptoms:The lower back/coccyx pain I experienced in the first trimester is back with a vengeance. It's more of a "caught" feeling actually and as soon as I stretch and pop whatever is out of whack back into place I'm good. The only bummer is I can't get on the floor in public. Oh well. I've been noticing that my belly is (majorly) growing too, and the stretching and pulling is rather intense (and painful! Round ligament pain!). Lisa Marie told me about this wrap that I could make to help support my stretching muscles and ligaments. I think it originates in Japan. It's pretty cool and feels so nice, until it twists up. I think I'll still be paying Babies R Us a visit to pick up a support belt though...maybe when we register in a few weeks. Other than that we're good. My humongo appetite has died down. I've been getting in two pretty good meals a day and some snacks.

Total weight gain: 7 (or 8?) pounds. A lot of my clothes don't fit right anymore. 

Maternity clothes: A friend of mine let me borrow some of her maternity clothes, sadly most are for cooler weather. I'm feeling pretty frustrated with my wardrobe these days. I still haven't figured out how to comfortable dress myself, and finding things that fit and that aren't too expensive is super tricky. 

Sleep: I have gotten on this really weird sleep cycle of waking late and staying up late. It makes me feel so lazy. Got. to. Stop!

Best moment last week: Feeling the baby move! I first noticed "something" during the ENTIRE Pascha service. I kind of played it off because I was super uncomfortable and tired...I thought maybe I was imagining it. THEN, I felt it again Sunday night. I was laying in bed, Thomas had already gone to sleep, I was still awake of course, playing around with my belly. I was poking it and squishing it, feeling around to see it I could tell where the top of the uterus was/is and such, it's sides, and poking this one spot that has gotten really hard in the last week or so. After a good 4 minutes I felt an "extremity" (I'm not sure if it was a hand or a foot) punch me...pretty much telling me "Stop that please, it's super annoying and some of us are trying to sleep"...it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing!  Thank God!!!!!!!

Movement:Tons now that I know what it feels like. It's not constant, and only really happens in the evening or at night when I'm trying to drift off to sleep (I think baby ham is nocturnal). But occasionally during the day I'll feel little twinges and pokes. It's so fun!

Food cravings: Spicy stuff and milk for this week. 

Belly Button in or out: Still in, but it's definitely spreading/thinning out and becoming so flat (and ugly)...it looks so weird. But, on the bright side I can no get to all those cracks and crevices. I have a clean belly button complex from doing so many ekg's. I can't tell you how many times I lifted up a shirt and belly button lint was either flying around (along with dead skin-but that's another story) or oozing out of the persons belly buttons. Long story short I keep it clean.  

What I miss: Sushi. Sometimes I get nervous that after the baby comes I wont like it anymore. :( And clothes that fit and make me feel pretty. I need some ideas on how to "dress for two"...I've been feeling so frumpy. AND...all the clothes that I packed away today. Mostly my high waist skirts and "sassy outfits" (thanks Lauren :P )...I thought to myself as I was carefully packing them away, "Will I even be a barely above-the-knee kind of girl anymore come November?". I'm turning a new leaf! 

What I am looking forward to: Baby's 20 week scan

 

Milestones: Feeling the baby move!  

 

How is daddy? He's happy that I felt the baby move. I told him that now that the baby can "hear" and "respond" he HAS to start talking to it...so he did. They talked about how when "he" comes out daddy will teach him how to play video games and do boy things"....He did say something cute the other day, though not directly to me. It made me tear up a little so I copy and pasted it here so I wouldn't forget what he said: " I want to be surprised at the birth... How exciting to stare at your child with all it's beauty and then realize at that moment what your child's gender is too! WOW! Can you say overwhelming amounts of joy and surprise? I've heard all the arguments against waiting, but I really really really really want to wait." He then went on to say that "it's not something one can do and not the other", so looks like I wont be finding out.

How are the grandparents? Still excited? this question is kind of redundant.

To fridge or not to fridge

Ultrasound pictures were never so meaningful to me until the awareness that I might never have one of my own to display on the front of our fridge really sunk in. The socially ubiquitous little black and white images posted up for everyone to see seemed like such a rite of passage in the days of IF. So here I am, the proud owner of three little blurry images of my little ham, and I've safely tucked them away in my journal, away from the sun I suppose (I've been told they fade). For someone who's made such a big stink over the things, it seems a little strange, and so this morning I pulled them out and taped one to my fridge (our fridge is stainless steel so magnets don't stick to the front :( kind of a bummer when I think of our future with kids art/awards and such). Why I did it? I don't know. It just seemed like the thing to do. I immediately pulled it off though. It seemed like there was a better home for it. So I quickly nestled it in with St. John and pretty close to St. Hannah and called it a day. After all the intersessions they made for me/us I'm sure they don't mind.